Breastfeeding dilemna

Before I was pregnant, I was repulsed by the thought of breastfeeding. I didn't ever want to. But then I got pregnant and as time grew near his birth and I talked to other mothers, I really started wanting to breastfeed. So for the last 7 weeks, I've breastfed him almost exclusively, but with a few bottles here and there. It has undoubtedly been the longest 7 weeks of my life in regards to breastfeeding.

I've decided to start weening him off the boob though. Surprisingly it's been a tough decision. At first, I was really excited to stop because of the severe mastitis I have. But now, I'm almost sad about it. Breastfeeding has been a pain since day 1. He never developed a good latch, I couldn't ever determine if he was getting too much or too little therefore I couldn't tell if he was hungry or just wanting to be pacified therefore I couldn't get him on a schedule and with mastitis on top of it all, I thought I was going to go insane! And now I'm sad about it?!?! It's crazy. He LOVES being breastfed. He's so happy and gets this total "milk coma" where his eyes roll back in his head he's so content! It's obviously a special bonding time too. But then I have to struggle to produce enough milk and pumping is annoying and I'm tired of the 30+ minute feeding sessions versus the 10 minute bottle sessions. Ugh...I'm so torn.


I guess I really already made up my mind. I decided to put him on soy milk because of his tummy troubles. I've only breastfed him twice a day since yesterday. I know my milk production is already almost gone. :( I'm just enjoying these last few feedings. Becoming a mother has SO many emotions and ups and downs. One minute you're crying over something and the next minute you're thrilled over the very same thing!


Ah, who am I kidding...I'm really only sad about losing my big boobs! LOL!